


conflicted

by thor_odinson



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, for a bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 15:04:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19065067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thor_odinson/pseuds/thor_odinson
Summary: Emma gets back to the sheriff station the day they battled the Snow Queen and decides to dig out her box of old childhood memories. It's time to open up. Open up to herself and to someone very special.





	conflicted

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted [here](https://m.fanfiction.net/s/11910727/1/An-Uncrushed-Heart) on my fanfiction.net account.

I sat on my chair in the darkened sheriff station, my arms folded. Today had really made me think about things, especially my past. Especially Lily…

I knew what I had to do.

I took my keys from the table and unlocked the cabinet behind me. I pulled out a white cardboard box and set it on the floor. I stared at it, unsure whether I really wanted to open it or not.

Opening it would mean embracing my past and accepting who I was. Opening it would mean the feelings would come rushing back.

And I really wasn't sure if I was ready.

Before I could open it, someone knocked on the doorframe. Judging by the sound of metal on wood, I was pretty sure I knew who it was.

Sure enough, as I turned around and his usual greeting of, 'Hello, love,' filled the previous silence, my assumptions were proved correct and a small smile graced my lips.

'You seem vexed,' Killian observed. 'Like you could use a drink.' He held his rum bottle out for me and I took it gratefully.

'That's putting it lightly,' I mused, before opening the bottle and taking a sip.

He nodded towards the box beside my feet. 'What's that?' he asked.

'What's left of my childhood,' I answered, handing the bottle back.

'May I have the honour?'

I stared at him. Opening up to myself was one thing, but opening up to Killian? Could I do it?

Yes, I decided. I could.

I put the box on the table and took the lid off. I lifted a smaller box inside and gave it to him.

He took it and opened it. I was curious as to what he would pick out first.

My old glasses.

He held them up, smiling. He glanced at me, as if asking  _really_?

I held up a finger to tell to him wait a second and proceeded to remove my contact lenses. I placed them back in their case and took the glasses, putting them on.

'Well? What do you think?' I asked.

'I think…' he started. 'You look beautiful either way.'

I smiled at him slightly, feeling my cheeks flush a little. 'Really? Most guys like one or the other,' I commented.

'Would you rather I had a preference?' he asked, taking my hand in his.

'No, I don't mind,' I clarified.

'Just remember, Swan, I'm not like most guys,' he grinned.

I raised my eyebrow. 'Don't I know it.'

He looked back at the box, sifting through the contents inside. He pulled out a blank piece of paper. 'What's this for?' he asked, frowning.

I smirked. 'Hold on.'

I turned back to the cabinet and pulled an ultraviolet light from the back. I didn't really know why we had a UV light at the sheriff station but I knew it would come in handy.

I held it over the paper to reveal a face. A boy's face, not over the age of seven. 'Who's that, Swan?' Killian asked.

I smiled. 'Josh.'

'Josh?'

'I was around sixteen or seventeen, nearing the end of my long term foster care, and in the foster home, there was this boy. He was six when I first got there. And I was really,  _really_ close with him. Every time he had a problem, he'd come to me instead of the many carers there.

'Anyway, a week before his seventh birthday, he asked me to help him plan his birthday party. I asked him what theme he wanted, and because he was obsessed with detectives and things, that's the theme he wanted.

'And the day I was meant to leave when I reached eighteen and start fending for myself in Minnesota, he gave me this blank piece of paper. I didn't really know what it was for and he told me to find a UV light. I bought one the day after and I saw him in his detective kit with the caption, 'I'm always looking out for you'.'

'That's very deep stuff for a boy of seven,' Killian commented. His arm snaked round my waist and I smiled.

'He was really smart, always into things that wouldn't have interested anyone else his age.' I stopped, my fond smile dissipating. 'I miss him.'

'He'll find you someday, Swan,' Killian smiled.

'I doubt that.'

'Well, don't.'

Killian stepped in front of me, taking the photo from my hand and placing it back in the box. 'I know opening up about your past is hard on you, but you're doing well, Swan,' he told me. 'So well. Bad days  _will_  pop up here and there. Yes, I'm taking this from your father but you have to remember, life is made up of moments, good ones, bad ones  _but they're all worth living_.

'So don't doubt that Josh will find you. Have hope, Swan. Because that's what heroes do.'

He smiled and I couldn't help but smile back. I placed my forehead on his and looked him in the eye. 'I love you.'

'I love you too.'

He brushed his lips across mine and stepped back.

Our eyes drifted over the box and fell on another photograph.

One of Neal and me. I smiled sadly. Someone else I missed dearly. Killian squeezed my hand.

'He would be really proud of you,' Killian said.

'I hope so. And I hope he's proud of Henry too. He would love to see what Henry was up to. He'd love him.'

'Yes, he would. And so do I,' he smiled. I smiled back.

_It's all going to be OK._

I was really grateful for the man by my side. Yes, he was a former pirate but he had changed since then. I believed in him. And in return, he believed in me. And he was one of the people I loved in the whole wide world.


End file.
